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During my sickness a customer stated: ‘He is simply too patient for a man.’ And the customer gave me a plant in bloom, which seemed strange, however pleased me. Whatever you do, make sure you plant your cat backyard in a container that doesn’t tip or transfer simply. Meanwhile, Hayley tries to maneuver on from Jeff being despatched into outer house and agrees to go out on a date with Snot. Since I all the time felt out of my own place, I went a lot in gay society; however I at all times labored as much as human power would enable. During the last sickness I had many visible and auditory hallucinations,-spoke with the dead, and many others.; saw and heard acquainted spirits; felt like a double particular person; but, while mendacity sick, I didn’t notice that the man in me had been extinguished. Appetite fairly good; however, on the entire, my stomach will not bear greater than that of a strong woman, and reacts to irritating meals with cutaneous eruption and burning in the urethra. But, even on my marriage-evening, I felt that I was solely a girl in man’s kind; sub femina locum meum esse mihi visum est. On the entire, we lived contented and joyful, and for 2 years have been childless.

Thus we lived lengthy collectively, till severe gout drove me to varied baths, and made me neurasthenic. Too, at the time when the extract of Indian hemp came into vogue, and was highly prized, in a state of concern of a threatened attack of gout (feeling completely indifferent about life), I took three or four occasions the same old dose of it, and almost died of haschisch poisoning. “But before this horrible assault of gout occurred, in despair, to lessen the pain of gout, I had taken sizzling baths, as near the temperature of the physique as attainable. “But who might describe my fright, when, on the following morning, I awoke and found myself feeling as if completely modified into a girl; and when, on standing and walking, I felt vulva and mammæ! However the imperative female feeling remained, and became so strong that I wear only the mask of a man, and in every thing else feel like a girl; and steadily I have lost memory of the former individuality.

The abdomen is feminine in kind; the toes are placed like a woman’s, and the calves, and many others., are feminine; and it is identical with arms and palms, I can put on ladies’ hose, and gloves, 7½ to 7¾ in dimension. I used to be in love with her as much as one among us can be in love,-i.e., what we love we love with our entire hearts, and live in it, despite the fact that we don’t present it as much as a real man does. But when there isn’t a lot uric acid in it, it is evident, and nearly as clear as water after any excitement. The change in my disposition was a bit of good fortune which got here over me like lightning, and which, had it include me feeling as I previously did, would have killed me; however now I gave myself up to it, and now not acknowledged myself. Riding, which, while a student, was painful to me, because in it the genitals had more of a feminine feeling, was troublesome for me (it could have been easier within the feminine fashion).

For about three years I had a feeling as if the prostate were enlarged,-a bearing-down feeling, as if giving birth to one thing; and, also, pain within the hips, constant pain in the again, and the like. Yet, with the energy of despair, I fought in opposition to these complaints, which impressed me as being female or effeminate, till three years in the past, when a extreme attack of arthritis utterly broke me down. Sleep is poor,-for weeks at a time solely two or three hours lengthy. The pores and skin is white, and, for probably the most half, feels quite clean; there was unbearable cutaneous itching for the last two years; however throughout the last few weeks it has diminished, and is now present solely within the popliteal areas and on the scrotum. At the same time, I grew to become so anæmic that every few months I had to take iron for a while; in any other case I would be nearly chlorotic or hysterical, or each. From that point I was patient, and would do nothing in a rush; however I became tenacious, like a cat, though, at the same time, mild, forgiving, and not bearing enmity,-in brief, I had a woman’s disposition.